Wrecker of Shuffles

If I hadn’t already picked Stumble Thru as my Medoc trail name this year I would completely go with Shuffle Wrecker. In a two-week period I managed to wreck, destroy, ruin, render inoperative or otherwise trash two iPod shuffles. What was the method of destruction: fire, impact, drop from a great height, submersion into deep water, massive G load? No. I sweated on them.

Granted I sweat a lot. I once confided in a friend that after three miles I’m basically a free roaming waterfall with running shoes, and it was only a mild exaggeration. On the other hand, you would think that a device designed to be worn while exercising would be designed to take significant moisture and keep on “ticking.” Yes I am so old that I remember those old Timex commercials with John Cameron Swayze.

Take it away, John!

My 2^nd generation iPod shuffle made it through about five years of hard use before it finally stopped working last fall. I theorized the battery had finally worn out and would no longer hold a charge. So when I opened my presents last Christmas and found a new glowing neon green 4th generation iPod shuffle, I was genuinely excited. Once more I’d be running with AC/DC, Bon Jovi, Justin Hopkins & The Guilt, The Killers, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Survivor and one of my favorite groups of all time, Various Artists.

This little gem of technology rode on my shirt collar for several months and made many workouts more enjoyable. Enter Summer, the Tusculum trail and humidity. It was just too much for the little green guy. A mid-morning workout in mid-June was just too much for it. About 35 minutes in to my hill workout the music was gone, and all of my attempts at iPod CPR were futile.

So I bundled up the iPod formerly known as Stumble and headed to my sorta local Apple store, MacAuthority in Johnson City, TN, to see what my options were. After confirming that my Shuffle was deader than truth in government, clerk there checked their records and explained that my options were not much. Although the iPod was a Christmas present, my wife had bought it in May and it was now in fact the following June. I was out of warranty and out of luck. They were willing to sell me a replacement for half price if I would take a black or silver shuffle. If I wanted a cool color like my wife had picked out I would have to shell out full price. Anyone who is familiar with my fashion choices can easily predict the outcome of this conversation. I left with a black Shuffle that I named Stumble 2.

Stumble 2 was unfortunately not long for this world. Enter Summer, the Tusculum trail and humidity. A week later about 40 minutes into another run it happened again: silence. So back to the store, where the nice clerk fellow spent about 10 minutes pressing every possible combination of controls, which on a shuffle aren’t very many. Finally he admitted defeat and rummaged about in the back of the store for another not so fashion forward iPod. He emerged with a silver iPod shuffle, which I christened Stumble 3.

By now it was becoming clear to me that if I wanted Stumble 3 to have anything like a rich, full life I needed to make some modifications to my runs, sweat rate or the device itself. In case you are wondering there are YouTube videos on sweat/waterproofing your shuffle. Each is more terrifying than the last. I elected not to attempt these mods and will embed a couple of the videos for your edification, amusement and/or horror. And if you search for these videos, shortly ads for waterproof shuffles will begin appearing on websites you visit and your Facebook feed. For the price of two to three shuffles you can have a waterproof shuffle of your very own. I’m passing on that option until matters get more desperate. Say August?

Satirical Bitter iPod Shuffle Video

An Actual Waterproofing Video

Eventually I hit upon a rather minimalist idea that might just keep Stumble 3 pumping tunes longer than it’s recent predecessors. Instead of clipping the device to my shirt collar, I clipped it to the bill of my running cap. My theory was simple. There the shuffle would be out of the direct flow of sweat. Instead of swimming through my perspiration the iPod would be wakeboarding over it. We are about a month into this minor mod and except for some rather odd looks from passersby there have been no ill effects. Then I had another sobering thought: sometimes water falls from the sky. So I’ve started working on rainproofing methods. My current workaround is covering the shuffle with a tiny Ziploc pill pouch. I’m also considering a hack involving clear packing tape. If these fail my backup plan is to hum loudly.