1. You get out of bed thinking about your morning run. You are dismayed by tightness in your left calf, a cramp in your right quads, low back pain, and mild vertigo. You Google your symptoms and diagnose yourself with Cyberchondria. You decide to skip the workout and call in sick/gullible to work.
2. Before heading out on a trail run you check out the weather forecast. it calls for 100% chance of rain and winds up to Mach 2 with a chance of annihilation. Deciding that your weather app is broken you turn on the TV. The weather man is wearing a scuba vest and you see oxygen tanks in the background.
3. Getting your gear together for a brick workout, you realize that you left a protein bar wrapper in the pocket of your favorite tri shorts and your Labrador Retriever ate them. The cat puked in your running shoes. Your Garmin watch battery is dead. You can’t find your car keys. Knowing when to quit, you fire up Netflix and binge watch Season 2 of Jessica Jones.
4. You show up for a group bike ride and realize that you forgot your helmet. You make a hasty attempt to make a fake helmet out of duct tape, a styrofoam cooler and a ratty t-shirt you use to wipe down your chain. After a few awkward minutes of no one making eye contact and one guy snorting like a burro and spraying water out his nose, you realize you aren’t fooling anyone and slink back to your car and drive home.
5. You realize that your pool swim just isn’t happening today when walking through the locker room you hear thunder in the distance. You notice a biohazard sign on the pool door. Then you open the door a crack and see a leopard walking around the pool deck carrying a lifeguard’s fanny pack in its mouth. You gently close the door and decide to head over to Dairy Queen.
6. You are determined to get out of work at a decent time so you can hit the gym. You are frantically working to complete a last-minute project when the copier display defaults to Korean, the last toner cartridge explodes ruining your pants and best shoes, followed by a text from your boss asking whether Guam is a country or a continent? Hungry, tired and depressed, you find yourself in the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) drive thru asking if they still sell the Double Down.
7. You show up at your HIIT class. Everyone is milling about and warming up. That’s when you notice the instructor is muttering under her breath about her ex, her clipboard has a list of exercises in the middle surrounded by a sea of hand-drawn daggers and she appears to be eating a stress ball. You glance at your phone, blurt out: “It’s work. We have a code armadillo!” and dash out the door.
Pick a number! Which one is your favorite or sounds like you?
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