7 Signs You are Bad at Mountain Biking

1. New to mountain biking you didn’t want to ask about tire pressure so you pumped up your mountain bike tires to the same pressure as your road bike: 110 psi. The bad news: it was a little lively going over roots. The good news: it only took 30 minutes to get the bike back out of the tree.
2. Your friend sees a rattlesnake crossing the trail and rides around it. You decide to bunny hop the snake and land on a second rattlesnake. The emergency room starts a wall of stupid in your honor.
3. You have been caught carrying your bike over obstacles so many times they call you the Thru-Hiker.
4. You miss the sign that says to ride the trail clockwise Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Counterclockwise Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Then wonder why everyone is coming at you head on like rhinos in a roller derby.
5. You crash into a rock, a tree, the main gate and the brush guard of a truck. Things get even worse when you get out of the parking area.
6. You get a late start and ride out further than you thought. It gets really dark. You dig around in your pack looking for a flashlight and come up empty. You wind up riding out by the light of a glow stick fastened to your handlebars with gum.
7. Holding a little too tight to your brake levers during a descent you hit a root and go over the handlebars then slide your butt through deer droppings. Back at the trailhead you make up a lame story about a Baby Ruth bar melting in your jersey pocket.

Bonus

8. Your friends have you ride in line between them so you don’t have time to stop, look at the trail, overthink it then crash.

9. You didn’t know your front suspension was locked out. In fact you didn’t know your front suspension could be locked out.

10. You spouse complains that you kiss trees more often than you kiss them.