1. You try to motivate younger runners with quotes from famous athletes only to find they have no idea who you are talking about. They want to know why they would need to “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?”
2. The newbie you helped train for his first triathlon and loaned a bike to passes you halfway through the race. On the plus side, he did have the decency to throw up shortly after finishing.
3. The people in the gym don’t recognize any of the artists on your workout playlist. You tell them that Blue Öyster Cult was not a restaurant, that they have danced to Queen whether they know it or not and most of their parents would not have been born if not for side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
4. You start your bike workout planning to do 10 hill repeats. After two repeats and you decide to cut the workout back to six. After the fourth repeat, you decide to call it a day and get ice cream.
5. You have eight fitness apps, a nutrition tracking app, two weather apps and a meditation app on your phone but you can’t figure out how to use any of them.
6. You spend as much time in doctors offices, therapy clinics and massage appointments as you used to spend in athletic stores.
7. When you went on group rides with the roadies you used to feel like a rottweiler at a greyhound convention, now you feel like a basset hound at a Soap Box Derby. You aren’t going to catch them but you are definitely going to chase them and ears flapping in the wind is optional.
Pick a number! Which one is your favorite or sounds like you?
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