1. You reach the turnaround point on your out-and-back run and your legs are toast. You hitch a ride with a pizza delivery guy and have to explain to his next customer what happened to their pizza. 2. Thirty miles into an 80-mile ride you stop at a convenience store to use the bathroom. After …
7 Things Triathletes Say … Sort of Just one more hill … then the big hill, then four more hills, and five more miles to the parking area. Suck it up … A lot of people have to change two tires on a 100 mile ride, lose their glasses and have a gel stolen by …
New to mountain biking you didn’t want to ask about tire pressure so you pumped up your mountain bike tires to the same pressure as your road bike: 110 psi. The bad news: it was a little lively going over roots. The good news: it only took 30 minutes to get the bike back out …
Lost on an unfamiliar trail at Panther Creek State Park with darkness coming on you sit on a stump and eat a protein bar thinking to yourself, I could be at a steakhouse right now. Out on a long hot dusty run your hydration vest runs dry. You actually consider drinking from the horse trough …
One morning you notice that your cat is dressed as a cereal box and you fear it’s an ambush attempt. Your cat is reading a murder mystery over your shoulder, and you think he’s looking for ideas. You pull out your sofa to vacuum behind it and find your missing steak knives among the catnip …
1. You ask your coach the difference between fartleks and hill repeats. She replies that no one laughs when you say/do hill repeats. 2. You thought Yasso 800s were a new type of shoes for ultra runners or a new European airliner. 3. After hearing so many different descriptions of tempo run you become confused. …
At the start of your last open water swim you jumped on your training partner’s back and started making whooping noises because a fish touched you. A satellite image of your half Ironman swim track spells out the word: potato. Yes it was a point to point river swim. You are feeling the groove, …
You still won’t talk to strangers on an elevator but you will strip naked in a changing tent with 100 other athletes. You actually brag about your ability to pee while on the move: swim, bike or run. You were once found passed out next to your bike in a public park. To this day …
During your last group ride you blew a snot rocket just as the wind shifted direction. You are banned from the group for excessive slime. You get lost so routinely the group repainted markers on the road with raised neon orange paint. They include your name. After one particularly bad unclipping incident you come back …
1) After your last angry outburst your scale tried to escape by riding off on your Roomba. 2) Your computrainer class is having weigh-ins for accountability. In an effort to gain an edge you inhale helium before stepping on the scale. It doesn’t work but you have a new nickname: sugar quacks. …
