My resolution to take up yoga got off to a rocky start. The instructor pulled me aside after class to discuss my lack of spirituality, flexibility and to suggest that I not bring the Twister mat ever again. I have no idea why they kept chanting “No Chardonnay.” I resolved to throw out training …
The convenience store on your weekend bike route now has a sign on the beer cave that reads, “no triathletes.” On the plus side, they now sell sports/electrolyte slush drinks. The watermelon margarita flavor is selling like hotcakes. Amazing Mental Floss Story about Slurpees! The humidity is so bad that your athlete’s foot turned into …
What do you get when you combine fear of water, fear of tight spaces, and performance anxiety? A triathlon swim start. What do triathletes mean when they refer to being in the washing machine during a race? It’s a slang term for playing rugby while drowning. What prompted you to take up a hobby where …
The Wrong Bucket List You bring your gear into transition in a five-gallon bucket like always. During setup you realize that you brought the bucket with your camping stuff. Riding and running in your hiking boots was no picnic but the mosquito head net came in handy for that lap around the lake. Completing the …
You know it’s been too long between triathlons when … Read More »
Out mountain biking with your new GoPro camera, you were startled by a bear, veered off the trail and crashed into some bushes. Lying there you heard something approaching. As you prepared to defend yourself with a sturdy branch, you realized that the large hulking black mass approaching was a stray black Angus cow. On …
Athletes will enter the water via a giant slip-n-slide. [video_lightbox_youtube video_id=”9W0zgI9mmS8″ width=”640″ height=”360″ anchor=”Click here to view Slip-N-Slide video. It’s Amazing“] During at least one sprint triathlon per year athletes will be required to race on “for hire” bikes. Prior to crossing the finish line, each athlete will be required to perform in a “dance …
Your favorite colors are mud and goose poop green. You claim that you were once chicked by a squirrel. People have asked how you knew this. People are impressed by your ability to identify most trees just from the exposed roots. You own t-shirts that say stuff like: “Have you shoulder checked a tree today? Pavement …
You like awkward tan lines and now your kids refuse to go to the beach with you. You enthusiastically join conversations about your ability to pee while doing other things. Much to the horror of your spouse this has moved beyond swimming, biking and running. You write in to TV show and movie producers to …
I saw a bike in transition that had six gels and a ziploc bag containing a pork chop and what appeared to be Shake ‘N Bake taped to the top tube. Out on the bike course a squirrel ran across the road in front of me and burst into flames. It took an entire bottle …
1. You know you had a good workout when after weight lifting you have to get someone else in the gym to open your protein shake. 2. You know you had a good workout when your Garmin beeps and the alert asks you if you have traveled to another continent. 3. You know you had …
