Things I would have known if I had read the manual: Fat bike tires do not grip on ice unless they have studs. To stay fit this winter I decided to commute to work on my bike. My office doesn’t have a shower. My boss hung one of those tree air fresheners in my cube. …
1. A sporty SUV with an integrated bike rack, ice maker, and small washer/dryer combo for the summer triathlon season. Optional extras include an external shower attachment and a little tree air freshener with a patented “not a locker room” scent. 2. Puncture-proof bike tires with ultra-low rolling resistance. As a bonus, at cadences over …
7 Items Triathletes Desperately Need to be Invented Read More »
1. Root Suit: A hydration vest with a front airbag that not only cushions falls but will pop the user back up on their feet. Once deployed it requires 20 minutes to deflate. So on the minus side, you may look a little chunky in some race photos. On the plus side, there are Santa …
7 Items Trail Runners Desperately Need to be Invented Read More »
The Mountain Biker Superpowers: Unusual stamina, enhanced balance, nerves of steel, ability to digest mud, mechanical aptitude, ability to buy carbon wheels. Arch Enemy: Trees Sidekick: A smart, active dog whose name is actually a pun, i.e., Dusty. Weaknesses: Beef jerky, nature-related tattoos, fashion sense. Favorite Movies: Return to Earth and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. …
My wife vetoed letting me set up a cardboard cutout of myself for the Thanksgiving dinner Zoom call so I could go ride mountain bikes with Barry. On the plus side, I am now one Santa hat and white beard away from a new Christmas decoration. Thanksgiving dinner was complicated by family members on different …
Zany New Endurance Athlete Thanksgiving Traditions Read More »
I miss jogging in place at crosswalks, dodging cars, and shin splints from running on sidewalks. Of course, I have all my toenails! Want to see them? It’s a great race but it needs more porta johns. I love the smell of the pines, the burbling streams, and mosaics of fall leaves but I feel …
I was cool with this whole work-from-home, no-dining-in-restaurants, don’t-hug-your friends dystopia until I realized I had to go an entire year without buying a new bike. Virtual races are kind of like virtual barbeques. For the races, I don’t train as hard, strain as hard, or run as fast. For the barbeques, I don’t cook …
11 Humorous Halloween Observations in a Spooky Year for Athletes Read More »
We all long for those bygone, carefree, golden days of fall training and racing but that’s just not happening this year. So buckle up buttercup, show 2020 you got game and put 2021 on notice that PR stands for Persistent Rockstar. Here’s a ludicrous list of training tips and silly slogans to keep you laughing …
If Florida Man was a triathlete … Entry into the water would be via a water slide, slip-n-slide, or across the hood of a police car. Bike and run courses would be more loosely defined allowing for detours through drug stores, car washes, junkyards, and across suburban lawns. Athletes riding bikes stolen either on race …
I asked my wife for improvised weightlifting ideas during the lockdown. She duct taped a cinder block to a long handled brush and suggested I paint the back deck. In retrospect picking 2020 to launch my chain of vegan hotdog huts and eel themed sushi shacks was clearly bad timing. But once we can have …
